Kiddie Show Criminals

This Saturday morning my intentions were to sleep late but I was awakened at the @ss crack of dawn by the irritating squeals of my beautiful offspring. Since I’m up I check out some Saturday morning kiddie shows and begin to wonder how many of the show’s stars may have a secret criminal background. Kid show stars are humans too, right? Just because they provide G-rated entertainment doesn’t necessarily mean they have a G-rated lives when they’re off the clock. I’m not one to prejudge but I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these peeps appear on the news tonight. Here are some characters I look at with a slightly raised eyebrow.

Robbie Rotten from Lazy Town

This show is odd anyway but this character is especially disturbing. Why does his chin make me cringe? Robbie seems like he has a secret sex chamber stocked with a variety of nipple clamps and latex bodysuits… WAIT! This pic is suspicious also.
Hmmmm… Ok, the verdict is in. That isn’t a young girl it’s really a 37 year old madame from Russia.

DJ Lance Rock
Love ya, Lance but I think you are a hustla. But not the typical street corner bum, I can see Lance slangin’ designer drugs to supermodels and moguls from Abu Dubai. Look at that pic. He looks like he’s saying “Pssst, I got that new sh!t, fresh outta the lab. I’m calling it Foofa. ”

Gordon from Sesame Street

I don’t mean to pick on the few brothas in children’s entertainment but I bet Gordon from Sesame Street is running an illegal afterhours spot. His joint would have liquor flowing all night, a couple C-Low games going, scalawag chicks twerking it and a dude doing tattoos in the back. lol And I just found out Gordon’s real life name is Roscoe. Yep, “Roscoe’s Boom-Boom Room” !

The Fresh Beat Band …Yes, ALL of them

Initially, I predicted the lanky White guy that calls himself a rapper (“Twist”) would be arrested for getting drunk and streaking but this whole crew looks like they’d let loose at a frat party. The Fresh Beat Band will be featured on the remix of LMFAO and Lil Jon’s ‘Shots’. “Shots, shots, shots….Everybodaaayyy!”

How can I not mention the true kiddie show star con, Paul Reubens, bka Pee Wee Herman

Last weekend I saw “Pee Wee’s Playhouse on Broadway” and enjoyed it! Generation X-ers will enjoy a blast from our past but still get chuckles from the hints of adult humor.

Shoutout to Cowboy Curtis.
He looks like he could hustle suckas in a pool game in Roscoe’s Boom-Boom Room. haha


7 thoughts on “Kiddie Show Criminals

  1. Jaye you are a fool. Only you can look at somebody and give them a criminal background, and have it make so much sense. I love your writing. Keep up the great work.

  2. I am so suspicious of DJ Lance. He’s way too happy and flexible. 😐 Pictures from Lazy Town have always freaked me out. I’m glad that I’ve never seen it. LOL
    I’m so mad that Gordon’s real name is Roscoe. I’m SURE he has an afterhours spot and I know my dad is right there playing cards. LOL

    • LMAO! You know what? He IS really jolly and flexible. He does those legs kicks with such ease.

      Let me find out Rae-Rae’s pops is up in Roscoe’s Boom Boom Room. 🙂

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